Just a Reminder

So, our baby shower is this coming Saturday (want to come?). I am very excited and really tired at the same time, because I have been doing so many lil' KYUTE things to celebrate this occassion. But believe it or not, with all the things I STILL have to do, the one thing on my mind this morning is 'friendship -vz- relgion'.
WHY? Well, while I have ALL my faith in God and love him with all my LIFE...I am (as are all of us) still a sinner. I know this sounds weird but I sent out a few 'Valentine' wishes to some good friends of mine. Well, one of them answered me back with HER beliefs and was honest with me. She said she is 'cristian' and does not celebrate Valentine's Day after learning where it came from. (I'm ok with that part....) But, then I started wondering: Would she still come to my
babyshower. After all, Angel & I are not married and are having this baby together while 'knowing' that God doesn't approove of 'sex before marriage' and exct.
So, does that make my personal love and devotion to God worth anyless than others? Does this make my 'celebration' any less important? Angel & I currently live with his mom:who is a full and devoted cristian and has been for more than 20 years. She was also married to a pastor for over 15 years (until he recently passed away last year). I love that even with all her turmoil and suffering her love for the Lord still grows strong. She practices her love for Him on an everyday basis and yet acknowledges that just like everyone else, she too is a sinner. But one thing I don't see is her passing judgement on to others, she leaves it all to God. She has us living in her house even under this circumcstances and gives us the full support that we need (as a mother and a friend). I've noticed that even with all the 'big-sinners' in her life, she does not critize or tries to make the decions for her friends and family.
I just hope my "friend" can ignore other people's decisions to make their own and just be a friend like God wants us to be . I know this is too much 'thinking' from just using Valentine's Day as a reminder of 'appreciation in friendship'....but in reality there are other circumstances in past between my FRIENDS and I that have me 'wondering'. At the end, I am clebrating this baby shower because to me this baby is a miracle.

Where are we at today?

Well, I'd like to start off by sharing: I AM BLESSED! Lord, you have hugged me when I am scared, you have comforted me when I am alone, you have guided me when I am lost and you have sheltered me when I am in need.

Yesturday (going back to the last time I wrote in here): I was living in a KRAZY enviroment with some KRAZY people, my days were passing me by slowly and I felt I was at a road's end. As you may recall, I was single and tired of all the 'hook ups' or friends and family trying to convince me to find a man. I was working with some fun people and my priorities were my son, my brothers, my friends..then me.

Today (as in NOW): I am living in a WHOLE different enviroment where I feel comfortable with people who are able to excersice their relationship with God. I am in a WHOLE new situation but yet I see so many new roads have opened up for me. There has been so many changes that I feel my days are going by TOO fast. I asked God that if it was in his plans to send me a life partner, for him to send me that guy who HE knew I would fall IN LOVE with. He did... Angel. Angel & I are in the start of a new relationship and EVERYDAY is an adventure. But even more exciting is that: I am expecting a new baby!!! It's a girl....due March 27th, 2008. (SCARY) My son Branden is super excited because he has two brothers with his dad and is finaly getting a sister. The 'uncles' can't wait to meet her aswell. Frankie (my 17yr old bro) is on his way to graduate this year (one year early) and has planned out his future. I have not been able to see my friends but will soon at mybabyshower(Feb 23rd....which is two days before my 30th bay...AAHHH!).

Tomorrow (looking into the future):Only God knows what with time life will bring. But this I know... ALONE WE WILL NEVER BE.

Take a breath or two

I realized yesterday,(after I got home, fell on my knees and began to cry a river) that I had distanced myself from my father up above for awhile there. As a result I began putting up a wall around myself as if it would keep me safe from others. Since I had deserted him, I began to believe that he had deserted me. But all along he has been there and continuously saves me from giving up.

This month has brought many tears to a lot of people I admire. My friend Sylvia is what the ‘hippies’ would call a ‘wild child’. She is hyper active, loud, funny, and blunt and has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. She is constantly putting her hand out there and people tend to take her arm. She has so much going on right now but still finds time to stop and listen to your needs. Don’t get me wrong, we end up pissing eachother off every now and then, but of course those differences are what makes our friendship stronger. This ‘little’ woman has a ‘big’ mouth just as she does a heart. I admire the strength she has found with all the crap put in to her life. Well, these past few weeks, her faith has been tested and yet she still standing. Sylvia lost a very good friend just a few weeks ago. I remember having the pleasure of meeting Patty. She was a beautiful, young, smart looking woman. Plenty of times she was there for Sylvia and that says enough about her to me. It’s strange how you meet people through out your life, which you may never see or remember again. As for Patty, I only met up with her three times, but that was enough for her to have an impacted me.

Just seeing how hard this hit Sylvia, I began to feel her pain. It makes me admire Sylvia for her strength. Especially the way I’ve been feeling lately. Needless to say, I had forgotten to smile for a while there. I’m sure the correct medical term would be ‘depression’….In my opinion is simply loosing yourself in thought.

I tried breaking away but no matter which way I’d try run to, I felt a door shut in my face. For days, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been swimming in the ocean; with out and end. There is no particular reason why I felt this way….too many to pin point. One of the biggest things in my mind has been the look on Sylvia’s nephew’s face…Eddie. He had been in a serious relationship with Patty for the past five years.

When I think about Eddie and the loss he had to endure, my heart aches for him and his recent lost love. Even just now, as I picture him in my mind, I imagine the depth of his pain in his eyes.
I can read all his unanswered questions and begin to wonder myself, what of me? What will become of my own personal death? Will those I loved the most miss me and need me? Will those that hurt me deeply come around and ask the Lord for forgiveness? It saddens me to see how much Eddie longs for his lovely lady and yet there is nothing none of us can do to make it better. That feeling of sorrow has impacted me in such a big way.

All of sudden some thing happens that simply takes it all away in a second, a miracle…. I see Branden smile. There is nothing out there which touches my heart and soul as that unconditional love my son gives me. The Lord uses Branden as a reminder of just how much love he has for me. And with that love I can be strong enough like Sylvia to pray with faith for Eddie; who has just a few days ago, lost another important member of his family.

Lord, to you I pray in faith. I pray that you may forgive us for our sins and give us the strength, patience and understanding that we need. I pray that you may take those we love under your wing and keep them safe until we meet again.

A New Front Line

I have not written in my blog since I wrote about my 29th birthday (did I say 29? I mean 19/OK-29). First it was due to me not wanting to deal with the changes under blog. Then after, things kept popping out here and there (NO! not my boobs!). But, I'm here now.....and I've realized this is something I need to do. After all, I had already established that 'writing is my therapy'..........(AND BOY, DO I NEED SOME OF THAT!).



In just a few months I endured many changes within my self (some for the good and some NOT so good). As I continuously try to 'walk the line', I can't help but notice that there are many distractions in my life. (Ergo many reasons why I have not blogged). I've made new friends (lost a few); fell in and out of -like- (A*K*A* near love); packed my bags so as I can move (ended up staying put); saw old friends (and some enemies); went out partying a few nights (also was sick a few days); but overall......HAVE MUCH TO SHARE!!!

Of course, I am unable to share it ALL with you at this time...but I promise my readors (Joe & Chely) and myself to write more often. I just hope someday we can get a few more peeps showing their love this way, I take my 'VeNtInG' very seriously...DoN't U kNoW!?!?!

So it begins, my farewell to my 20's (boo hoo, hoo)

Thursday

My co-workers & I celebrated my birthday at Don Jose’s Restaurant in Montclair (where I have been celebrating for the past ?????????/ years) and had a BLAST! Who would have thought that it was going to be so much fun (let alone with my co-workers). Honestly, I thought I was going to be all depressed due to some family circumstances, but at the end….I was dancing on that dance floor with no plans to stop. I got a lap dance from two of my co-workers and got a bit tipsy (drunk) on a few ‘Adios Amigos’ in very huge glasses. With all the alcohol, I got the nerve to go up and howl to the song “Friends in Low Places” (of courses---again) & ‘Any Man of Mine”. (AWFUL……..) My favorite part was dancing to Etta James ‘At Last’. AWESOME!!!

P.S. No cake.

Friday

All tired and sleepy, I still managed to come to work and try my best to accomplish a few things here & thee. (To tell you the truth, I don’t remember that day at all….I must have been sleepwalking.) Well, anyway, I went home to get ready because of course, I was going out to celebrate my birthday (DUH!!!), there was a package waiting for me. Oooh, how exciting!!!! It was a book and a lovely card from a friend.

Anyway, I got SEXY and took of to be with my bestest of friends at Casa Cabral in Commerce. That night was so much fun too. I tried ‘apple martinis’ for the first time and eventually was a little tipsy (drunk) and way too friendly with the cute bartender…..but I was so happy to be celebrating with such good friends. I got cool gifts…..yeigh me! Afterwards we went to my friend’s house and THEY karaoke while I felt asleep.

P.S. No cake.

Saturday

All day, I knew I needed to sleep but it was so hard to take a nap because I was from one place to another. Not to mention, at my house there is just too many people coming in and out. (AAHHH!!!) Well, eventually, I just got dressed and went out with a few other of my friends to Carlos O’Brian……which was BORING!!!!!! So, we went to my friends house for a while and took tequila shots and again I got tipsy (drunk)…..(notice a pattern here?).

Please note: I am not a drinker. Therefore I wanted to share how I did get tipsy (drunk) on my 21st (for the 9th time) Birthday. K?

P.S. No cake.

Sunday

So, it is finally my birthday – 02/25/07. I woke up looking like S%^%$%$*! And for some reason everyone at the house was just like whatever with me. So, I decide to be a bum for the day & just clean my room. In the middle of the day, I noticed something on the table…..a heart shaped cake my fiend made for me. Aww….how cute! Well, just when I thought that was it…..by the end of the day I got another surprise. My brother’s girlfriend bought me an ice cream cake. Man, you should have seen ALL the pinchi candles on it. I think they had to buy like two boxes or something…..later that night, my lil’bro decides to have fun. Let’s just say that by the end of the night, the cake was on everybody’s face and all over ME!!!!!


P.S. Two cakes!!!!!!!


Monday

By this time, I really need a BED!!!!!! I walked in to my job and found my desk so beautifully decorated with balloons & confetti and gifts. My friend had also put little sticky notes all over the place, hidden on the keyboard, on the monitor and even the phone. One of my friends took me to lunch (she had me at hello). At the end of the day….we all met in the conference room to eat CAKE!!!! My supervisor bought me a chocolate cake & my friend bought me a tres-leches cake.

P.S. Two cakes!!!!!!!!


PICTURES WILL BE ON THE NEXT BLOG.

Do you see what I see?

My friend Oscar forwarded me this amazing picture. This shot holds such depth and creates so many questions for me that don’t necessarily have to even be answered.

It serves as a reminder that we have to take a breather from our many responsibilities once in a while (more often than not) and ponder on all the wonders this life holds. Of course, our life is full of stress, distractions, BILLS, problems, and many other excuses, but we also have been blessed just as much.

Whatever our many different blessings may be in our life it should never be overshadowed by a moment of disappointment.

Am I shrinking or what?

“As you grow older you grow wiser.”
Hum, I suppose some people stop growing even before they hit puberty.

It is easy to say ‘I understand’ but it does not necessarily mean that the person making this comment ‘really understands’. What am I babbling about? People. Dumb people, who instead of making their life easier by comprehending the most simplest things, are out there to make it harder on me and those others who’s mind works just a tat bit faster than theirs. (Wow, lately I’ve become this OLDER, BITTER, People get on my Nerves, woman.) (Maybe it is just the fact that I am WOMAN and my emotions change by the second!)

Ok, I will explain: There are a few people in my life who seem to innocently get on my last nerve. The young ladies I live with are incapable of cleaning after themselves, of feeding themselves and sometimes even clothing themselves. (The following names have been changed to keep anyone from kicking my %*%^#@.) “Malibu” is 17 yrs old and walks through the house as if nobody else exists by pushing people out of her way as she bounces from one room to another, talking non-stop on the cell phone. “Oompa-loompa” is about to turn 18 yrs old and has not grasped the concept of heating up a ‘tortilla’ or making her bed, she will sit there all day until somebody cooks and serves her. “Babygirl” is going to celebrate her 16th birthday soon and can never find a thing to wear, how to do her hair or even what to do next. Worst part is: they recently asked me what a ‘conscious’ was. (That cannot be good…..)


These three young ladies make such and effort to look good, have a boyfriend and get what they want when they want it. I love these girls very much and would do ‘just about anything’ to keep them out of trouble. I have sat plenty of times with this girls (who by the way are so not my daughters) and have had very good conversations. They say I teach them things in regards to the ‘facts of life’ and that they love me too. So why then have they not learned to put a new roll of paper in the restroom or pick up their dirty towels or close the door behind them each time they come in the house or to wash their own dish or to take a message or ….OK, I’m back.

Again, I ask am I shrinking? Because I’ve heard that as you get older you loose your height and every little thing bothers you. I figured that is the only reason I don’t have as much patience as before, that fact that I am getting older. Now, I know 28 is not old on a regular basis, but if you lived what I’ve lived you would pretty much be very tired. Oh, well, I will be 29 next month which gives me a whole year to be the big 30!!! (help…)